Chunky Monkey

By way of introduction, I'd like to explain the title of this blog. This little story will clue you in to how my mind worked more than 15 years ago and, unfortunately, how it still works now.

I was 17 or 18, about 5'7", and tipping the scales [insert sarcasm font here] at a whopping 125-130. Yeah. I was S-K-I-N-N-Y. Problem was, I didn't see it. Nor did my creep of a long term boyfriend at the time, or at least that's what he like to make me think. Sigh.

So, on to the story of the chunky monkey. I was in my room at the end of the hall reading (maybe...I don't really remember what I was doing, but reading is a good bet). My sister and her BFF of forever (then about 13ish years old) were in the dining room talking (and likely being obnoxious as usual).

In my cozy, quiet room I heard ::whispergigglewhispergiggle:: Then, "[inaudible] chunky monkey [inaudible]." I flung myself down the hallway screaming "Don't you call me chunky monkey!!!" like only a teenager could. They froze. Then exploded into laughter. They could hardly speak, they were laughing so hard, but they managed to get this out: "The [snortgaspsnort] ice cream [gaspgaspguffawsnort] Chunky Monkey [LOUDCHORTLING]. Ben & [SNORTSNORTSNORTGASP] Jerry's! [gaspGUFFAWgaspsigh]."

My cheeks were on fire. I was mortified. Of course embarrassed by my assumption and outrage. I think a part of me also knew how insane I must've sounded/looked to them. I probably cried. I always cried back then.

The story is funny now and took on a life of it's own after that. My sister and BFF were fond of teasing me (and anyone for that matter) and it just never died. I bet they laugh about it today. Jerks.

Back to the point. I had (have?) terribly low self-esteem. I misconstrued innocent chatter into insults. Why? Because my body image, like many other teenage girls (and grown women) was (is?) a fat girl (woman?).

The irony is that I was not overweight then. I was NORMAL, even on the skinny side of normal. Now, I actually am overweight. Only by about 14 lbs according to my BMI, but still, technically overweight. Granted, I had a baby almost 11 months ago (and I am at my prepregnancy weight), but I'd love to be in that healthy, NORMAL, weight range once again.

When I turned 30, I weighed 205 lbs and that was my heaviest (other than at 40 weeks pregnant-I think I topped out at 208ish then). I don't want to ever go back. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to go back there next time I'm pregnant.

Basically, I want to get healthy. That is my overall goal. Eat healthier foods and exercise regularly. I want to have more energy to play with my son. I want to be in great physical shape next time I get pregnant. I want to reduce my risk of heart disease & diabetes (both of which run in my family).

Of course, I'd be lying if I said that was my only motivation. I want to be hot. I want to look in the mirror and think, "Wow. I look GOOD." I do feel that way sometimes now, which is a huge step in the right direction for me (as you can see from the aforementioned story).

I will be sharing my journey here. Including photos and goals and plans and such.